Where do I begin? Yesterday’s contribution was effectively a commitment to blog on a daily basis. And not just to blog erratically, on random subjects, but to stay focused on what’s important. I have too many threads to get the facts across in a single, relatively short blog post? Fine. I know what to do. I’ll break it down into chunks, getting some of the jigsaw pieces down in the right place before taking a rest. Incrementally I’ll get the job done. At any rate that’s my hope.
Rereading yesterday’s introduction I was struck by a rambling presentation. This could be a problem. I really should try to cut to the chase, cut out the padding, get down to business, and other equally pointless soundbites. I might cut out that last sentence when I find time to do a redraft.
I do not have a fixed plan as to how to present the information I need to get across. I will play it by ear. But I think I need to be careful about my sense of humour. Over the last few years I have deployed it in cyberspace to keep myself amused. Twitter’s 140 char limit makes surreal jokes a godsend. But I am trying in these daily diary blog posts to make some serious points. All too often on twitter it is not clear when I am joking. I often go out of the way to challenge preconceived ideas, taking the piss out of certain kinds of people by posing as a caricature of such an individual.
Over the years I have made fun of cretins, psychopaths, the deluded, cannibals and deluded psychopatic cannibals of the cretinous persuasion. I don’t pretend that I am not intellectually challenged on a whole range of subjects. But I don’t feel all that intimidated when it comes to general intelligence. If people want to imply I’m an idiot that’s water off a duck’s back. By the standards of my heroes I am an idiot. But I can be happy with what intellect I have. What about mental illness? Can I be so cavalier when it comes to accusations that I may be mentally ill? No. I need to challenge that smear. This is important and it is one of many reasons I have started this daily diary.
I had better say something about my attitude towards mental illness. By the standards of my fellow lefties I am (that is to say I have been, and possibly still am to some extent) outrageously politically incorrect when it comes to mental illness. I disagree profoundly with some socialists who want to equate prejudice against the mentally ill with prejudices against ethnic minorities, gays, the disabled etc. For generations political activists of every persuasion have accused each other (including close political co-thinkers) of advocating insane strategy and tactics. All the comedians who make me laugh take the piss out of eccentricity of an extreme variety. None of this is equivilent to racism, sexism etc.
I really, really hate ‘mental illness’ being used as a catch-all category that lumps together a quarter or more of the population at some point in their lives. I think this is a bad idea. I have a relatively narrow definition of mental illness. I prefer to restrict it to those who have lost touch with reality. People with OCD, depression and similar conditions should not be placed into the same category as those who want to use mental illness as an excuse for getting away with murder.
Eccentrics can be hugely entertaining. And many no doubt promote such eccentricities to keep themselves and others amused. I do that on twitter. I do it quite a lot in fact. I see nothing wrong with this. Those who joke around should not be easily dismissed as mentally ill because they enjoy a good joke. Alas, due to a shower of idiots who have been trying to portray me as mentally ill, I need to rein in my sense of humour, or use it sparingly. I can’t afford to have readers unsure as to whether or not I am joking. This is a real pain. I am going to try to be disciplined on this blog. I am also going to try to be careful with the use of metaphor and symbolism. I would prefer to respect the readers’ intelligence. But I can’t afford that. I will try not to make vague allusions to things that seem obvious to me, just in case they’re not. I need to at least try to stick to the facts. I will try but will no doubt fall short, for which I apologise in advance.
Let me list some of the items I feel I have covered adequately in this blog already. I may get some of this wrong. I may have forgotten to upload some of the relevant posts from my other blog that recently got deleted, due entirely to upgrading of the software of the host, and nothing to do with threatened legal action, I hasten to add. There are over 500 such posts, and I don’t want to repost everything immediately. What I feel I have covered so far include the following:
1) The precise nature of my disability – which was diagnosed about 2 years ago as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, after I had fought the medical profession for two decades to receive such a diagnosis, and with no medication received to date. Over 50 years of my life has been wasted thanks to those who are supposed to be helping me: doctors, social services, educators. Thank y’all very much.
2) I was locked up in Dykebar hospital for one month thanks to Dr Bennie. He was helped by Renfrewshire Council Social Work Department and Scottish Autism. As I was forcibly removed from my home and kept in the most appalling conditions for that month (which I classify as abuse, bullying and worse) those who got a Sheriff and two police officers to deny me my human rights had all been reported to others for a series of abuses. I want every last one of them to be investigated for their abuses, although I want to place my criticisms of a couple of social workers in a special category: they may be guilty of lesser crimes.
All of the aforementioned were aware that Dr Bennie had prescribed me a drug not to be given to those with suicidal tendencies. All of them had been aware that I had presented myself to my GP as far back as 1998 as suicidal as a consequence of nothing being done to treat my attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and that these suicidal feelings had been escalating due to their not having been addressed in the eight years after Scottish Autism were paid to ‘care’ for me. These people were happy to take public funds allegedly to help me, but had done zilch to help me get the medication I needed. Renfrewshire Council Social Work Department and Scottish Autism are both aware that I considered Dr Bennie’s attempt to make me take this drug was nothing short of criminal. Dr Bennie was worthy of investigation by the appropriate professional body. I spelt that out in no uncertain terms at the last review of Scottish Autism’s alleged care of me. I insisted this be minuted but (not for the first time) my wishes were not reflected in these minutes. There was hardly any point me saying anything at any of those review meetings. Any credible investigation into Dr Bennie’s behavior was likely to lead to his being severely reprimaded, if not struck off. And Renfrewshire Council and Scottish Autism are both aware that I believe this to be the case, and I cannot for the life of me understand how they could believe anything different.
Autistics are supposed to be particularly weak when it comes to reading body language and reading facial expressions: it’s supposed to be a defining feature of the condition. And that’s one of many reasons why I cast doubt on this particular diagnosis. I believe I am well above average at reading emotions, being empathic without descending into an emotional chameleon. I believe my emotional depth explains why I am a big fan of sophistocated drama: Shakespeare, for instance. I could detect Dr Bennie’s deep distress (almost smell his sweat) as I reminded him, in the presence of others, what he had done. In an obvious panic, Dr Bennie suggested I should thank him for changing his mind about prescribing me those dangerous drugs. I wasn’t given sufficient opportunity to explain to the police officers what a miserable liar Dr Bennie is.
What Dr Bennie refuses to face up to is the fact that he only withdrew the prescription after I conducted independent research on the internet: specifically, the drug manufacturer’s own website and wikipedia. What is Dr Bennie’s excuse? Didn’t he know it wasn’t supposed to be given to the suicidal? Didn’t he care? Is he pretending we never discussed my suicidal tendencies?
What about Renfrewshire Council Social Work Department and Scottish Autism? Why didn’t they help me raise the alarm with the General Medical Council when I told them what had happened? Why did they work hand-in-glove with Dr Bennie to deny me access to the internet, my laptop where I could communicate with lawyers and friends, if only to get a change of clothing, paper with which to keep a diary of all the humiliations I was subject to by staff and patients at Dykebar Hospital, with staff sitting back and not giving a damn? Why did these people tell a Sheriff that I was not competent to decide on my own medication? Did they inform the Sheriff that they wanted to hand me over to Dr Bennie? The very same Dr Bennie who had exposed himself as criminally incompetent, vis-a-vis prescribing me dangerous (potentially lethal) drugs? I have written at length about all of the above. What else have I covered adequately?
3) I have explained that since leaving Dykebar Hospital I have had to face the fact that I probably have developed a form of agorophobia. I had not anticipated that. I am going to need psychiatric help to deal with this. I have no intention of taking medication to fix this. I know exactly how I developed this impairment. And I blame both Renfrewshire Council and Scottish Autism for my having fallen victim to it. I will explain all of this, but it is going to take some time. Let me introduce my explanation with a few words.
There was not the slightest indication of agorophobia prior to moving to the town Renfrewshire Council dumped me in eight years ago. Housing officers and social workers at Renfrewshire Council have been aware all this time that I was not leaving this flat which they dumped me in against my will other than on the two days I received ‘care’ from Scottish Autism. Both organisations knew that being reduced to shut-in status for eight long, miserable years has contributed further to the suicidal feeling I had already reported to my GP back in 1998. Also kept in the loop about my suicidal feelings was a colleague of Dr Bennie who was there the first day I met him, which was the same day he gave me my long sought after diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
I had better cover myself by being strictly accurate about my shut-in status. When I was first moved to this town I had received no support at all from Scottish Autism or anyone else. I had been promised support from Scottish Autism prior to moving to this town, but that offer was withdrawn unexpectedly, after I had signed papers to move to this flat. I had refused to speak to any employee of Renfrewshire Council but was threatened with being thrown onto the streets along with all my belongings if I did not agree to speak to a Jan Nelson without legal representation or any advocate. This threat was made despite Jan Nelson knowing I had provided Renfrewshire Council’s lawyers with adequate justification for this, and despite her knowing about my having been diagnosed with belonging on the autistic spectrum, and the nature of my short term memory problems. Jan Nelson was aware that I had applied to get rehoused in Glasgow back in July 2003, after Renfrewshire Council refused to do anything to protect me from those who had made my life a living hell. Despite everything I said when I went to Glasgow Council Housing Department to get rehoused there, Renfrewshire Council had intervened somehow to overrule the application I made to get the hell out of Renfrewshire Council’s jurisdiction.
I am going to take a break. I will return to this subject tomorrow and the days to come, until I have covered everything. This is still the tip of a very large iceberg. And it does have something to do with the framing of Tommy Sheridan by an undercover cop on the Scottish Socialist Party executive (Frances Curran MSP), and the inevitability that more than one agent of the British state committed perjury at the trial, alongside David Cameron’s then Director of Communications, a fact that I am convinced was known to the Crown, cops involved in the case, many employees and ex-employees of Rupert Murdoch’s News International and almost certainly to David Cameron himself.